Connectivity

When I was a child, my father would come home from work at around 7pm, just before dinner.  The very first thing he did, was open his mail.  He sat on the couch, in front of the evening news, the waste paper bin at his feet, and methodically opened each letter with his silver letter opener.

My nightly bid for my dad’s attention was to leap out from behind a corner to surprise him as he walked through the door.  Dad’s reaction was without fail, a painfully forced ‘Oh…you got me Snoop’, at best.  I knew that I hadn’t caught him the least bit off guard, but appreciated his momentary focus upon me.  If my intent had been to surprise him, I wouldn’t have repeated the process each and every night. It was a desperate plea for attention, in the absence of a more conventional and connected greeting, of which neither of us were capable.

My other ritual, designed to help me bond with my dad, was to seat myself beside him as he opened his daily mail.  I’d ceremoniously pick through the bin and remove and read each item of mail as he discarded it.  (This may perhaps be how I earned my nickname, ‘Snoop’, which has stuck to this day) I hoped that dad would seize the opportunity to explain or discuss his mail with me, or at least tell me off for being nosey. I remember asking lots of questions about the mail, but don’t recall getting answers.  Unfortunately, dad was usually so absorbed by either his mail or the evening news, that he spoke only to tell me to be quiet, or worse still - failed to notice me at all.  The contents of dad’s mail weren’t the least bit interesting to me, yet I persisted with this charade for many years. 

But enough of that. 

These days, there is no evening mail opening routine.  Most of what arrives in our letterboxes is unwelcome; consisting of junk mail or bills.  Other communication occurs continuously throughout the day and night, electronically, from multiple devices in multiple domains.   And this is no longer a rite of passage reserved only for adults – our children are sending and receiving their own ‘mail’ just as readily as we are.  In fact we are far more likely to be nosing through their mail if the opportunity arises, than the other way around.

These modern forms of communication have increasingly made their way into my home.  I opened a Facebook account in 2008 and enjoyed dipping into the lives of others for a minute or two in the day.  It is a convenient connection for me, given that I spend most of my time at home with young children.  However, now there are three members of our household possessing Facebook profiles, we are starting to vie for ‘e-time’.

Tubs sits glued to the computer screen for several hours at the end of each day and across the weekend.  Abby now spends countless hours in her room with her ipod, and now enjoys connecting with friends and family via Facebook.  She sends and receives messages, engages in video calls and posts her favourite You Tube videos to her profile.  

Blogs too, are increasingly becoming the preferred mode of communication between school and home.  I welcome the reduction in paper arriving in the school bags, but the blogs and emails certainly serve to increase the time spent gazing at the backlit screen each day. 

I have feared that the more connected the members of my family become to the outside world, the less time and energy we may have to connect with each other in reality.  For better or worse, email and Facebook are here to stay. I believe that we all need to adjust and make concerted efforts to engage with each other in the real world as often as possible.   I know that in my family, the foundations for that are already laid.

We need not blame new technology or a new generation for a lack of genuine connectedness, as it existed long before email and Facebook were invented.  Families create their own culture.  In our house, we choose to consciously engage with each other, while also embracing these modern modes of communication.  We model responsible internet use, and see Facebook as a positive element to our family dynamic.

And as for my dad and me; I no longer pick through his mail, nor search for other veiled ways to connect. In fact, now that he is retired - perhaps he could pick through my mail for a change - by reading my blog.