Connected Creatures

This is a post script to my last piece, prompted by a recent conversation I had with my youngest child; centred around the daily ritual viewing of 'Peppa Pig' episodes.

We arrived home from childcare and as usual, madam went straight into the living room for some 'quiet time' - code for 'mum has just finished work, is starving and needs to be left alone for at least an hour, or ideally, until it's time to get the 'big' girls from school'.

I was scratching around in the kitchen trying to remember how to make a sandwich (having been fed by others for three days, this proved much harder than expected), when a little voice calls out 'mum, can you please put Peppa Pig on the Apple TV?' I replied 'sure' - it sounded much easier than making a sandwich at that point anyway. Unfortunately however, the iPad was flat so 'Airplay' to the TV was not going to be an option. I conveyed this potentially devastating news to my little friend, who much to my surprise was utterly unperturbed. 'Then put it on You Tube please', she said as she assembled cushions and blankets around her on the couch.

As I returned to the kitchen, I contemplated the stunningly simple and logical solution my 3 year old had provided. I pondered it further as I stared into the fridge, hoping that my 'mother auto-pilot' skills would kick in resulting in an edible sandwich materialising.

Perhaps this generation will be one of problem solvers? Perhaps all of this technology is broadening their minds rather than constricting them? It is so easy to criticise our tendency to rely on technology and 'Google' for everything, without giving equal air-time to the benefits. Children born today are raised in a world where they only need ask the question, knowing there will be an answer somewhere. They also know that information is at their fingertips, rather than in their parents' and teachers' heads.

Our children are raised by adults dependent upon 'i-devices' and their knowledge of them rapidly overtakes that of their seniors (in my case, by the age of 3!). Children are growing up in a world that is connected in a way that was unimaginable only a decade or so ago. They expect instant answers and solutions. This isn't because they are demanding, impatient brats; it is a by-product of the world they live in.

We are all familiar with the cliched saying about our children teaching us more than we teach them, but in the case of the i-generation, I think this will prove true in a practical rather than philosophical sense. After all, who else will we run to in despair after losing our entire contact list to a 'cloud' after downloading the latest version of something just to stop that stupid reminder popping up every time we 'sync' our phones?

Let's hope this generation also use their it-savviness to create 'intelligent' nursing homes from which we can Skype our great grandchildren in our animal onesies; and tell them about the 'olden days' of  DVD players and other devices connected to each other by cords rather than 'clouds'.

Knowledge is Power

I am sitting with my nearly 4 year old, watching 'Tangled', for possibly the 5th time this week. One of the characters in the movie is the old woman who steals the princess and keeps her captive in a tower so that she alone can benefit from her magical powers. Her way of controlling the princess is to tell her stories about how awful the outside world is, and convincing the princess that she would never cope alone.

Fear as a means of control is something that I have seen many parents do, usually subconsciously and unspoken. I believe that parents are generally well meaning, and seek only to protect their children from harm. Unfortunately however, this fear driven 'cotton-wool' parenting can create insecurity in children, which can ultimately lead to either anxiety - or indeed, rebellion.

I see it frequently in separated parents, who are both afraid of, and disempowered by, being unable to control the parenting and environment of the children while they are in the other parent's household. This sometimes results in extreme reactions including withholding the children from the other parent entirely. This is rarely in the children's interests, no matter how well intended it seems at the time.

It is interesting how our fears and limitations are projected onto our children over time.  I remember when I believed that my parents knew everything, and finding that a very comforting notion. I remember too, the realisation that they didn't. I have tried to ensure that my children understand that I do not hold all the answers (let's face it - that's Googles' job now!), and that I learn new things every day just as they do. But the truth is, it is often more convenient to let our kids think that we do know everything, and have them submit unquestioningly to our all-knowing authority!

My 'Tangled' viewing partner asked me on the weekend to put some clothes on her Polly Pocket doll. I was in a rush and didn't want to fiddle around with tiny plastic dolls, so I said that I didn't 'know how to'. She didn't accept that for a moment, saying 'yes you do Mummy. You are a grown up, and grown ups know how to do everything.' This would have been a prime opportunity to explain that I do not know how to do 'everything', nor does any one person, but that I learn things by trying them or asking for help. However, because I was in a rush (a somewhat permanent state of being for me), I just laughed and basked in the delusional glory of being all-knowing and all-doing for a moment, as I twisted and bent the clothing onto the tiny plastic body.

Parenting is a balancing act at the best of times, but knowing when to assert our authority based upon our knowledge and experience, and when to let our children find their own way, must be one of the hardest calls of all.