Playing Favourites

Few parents will ever admit to having favourites amongst their children.  I am not one of those parents.  I freely admit to favouring one child over another on regular occasions, in fact I am hard pressed to imagine a time when I haven’t tended more toward one child than another.  Thankfully for my children, the status of golden child moves in swings and round-a-bouts as my affections oscillate from one child to another. 

There are times when certain children are in danger of being kissed and squeezed to death, periods when they look more adorable than usual and can do no wrong.  Whether it be the gorgeous things they say, the spontaneous hugs, or simpler things like eating their vegetables and using manners.  Babies who sleep through the night and giggle happily are bound to be met by happy and responsive parents.  Similarly, older children who do their homework without being prompted, smile at their parents from time to time, and have conversations which involve things other than requests for food, dobbing, and saying “I’m bored”, are bound to delight.

Conversely, children who constantly test their parents by whinging, throwing tantrums, teasing and taunting their siblings and have physically destructive outbursts; whose only dialogue involves demands and complaints, and who appear suddenly unable to comprehend anything their parents are saying, are liable to be listed for sale on ebay. 

Many a day goes by where I am conscious of the fact that my only interaction with one of my children has been requests to ‘cease and desist’ or for ‘corrective measures’ to be taken (otherwise known as ‘stop that’ and ‘do this’).   The child with nits or contagious skin conditions, dribbling issues or odorous morning breath doesn’t garner quite the same amount of physical contact as the one with freshly washed hair and buttery smooth skin. 

While one child is being thanked for their assistance and compliance, another is in danger of being ignored altogether as they busily and mercifully occupy themselves for hours on end in the toy room.  The fourth is likely to be the one occupying most of my time, with hands on help either in the form of assistance with homework or more basic needs like feeding, bathing and changing.   There will invariably be one child who requires more attention and one who is 'easy' by comparison, merely by virtue of the stage of development they are at.

It is trite to say that I love my children equally and with all my heart.  But as with all family, that doesn’t mean that they don’t drive me crazy from time to time.  Thankfully they rarely drive me nuts at the same time, indeed it is often the times when one or two children are being particularly vile, that 'butter wouldn’t melt' in the mouths of the others. 

There are times when one child is experiencing health problems or troubles at school which conjure powerful protective instincts and which cause you to wrap yourself around that child, sometimes at the temporary expense of the others.  However, they all know that when their time of need arises, we will be there, and that our affections are not conditional upon prerequisite behaviours.  Having said that, it would be lovely if the butter lingered longer – and I’m not even dealing with teenagers yet!