A cut below the rest

It took Tubs many years to come to terms with his rapidly receding hairline and the loss of his crowning glory, which in times long gone by has drawn comparison to Jim Morrison of The Doors (so he tells me).   As the hair departed, increasingly exposing his substantial cranium to the elements, his reluctance to tame what remained of his coiffure grew.  He would only ever go to the hairdresser under extreme duress, and usually leave it until the day of a major function; reluctantly succumbing to the scissors and steady hand of an old school barber.

As the years passed and more and more of Tubs's friends trimmed their thinning tresses to near extinction, the time came for Tubs to face the inevitable.  The short back and sides cut needed to get a whole lot shorter in order to keep up with the short top and front.  The first cut was done by my step mother at Easter in 2009.  Tubs trusted her as she had been cutting my dad's hair for several years and she vowed to be gentle.  The cut went well, despite Tubs grimacing and wincing in feigned protest with every glide of the clippers across his head.

As his nest of hair bloomed out of control again I purchased a pair of clippers and embarked on yet another role, adding the string of 'hairdresser' to my bow.  I started conservatively using the number four attachment, and finished each cut with a snip of the scissors in an attempt to appear professional.  Over time, the thin hairs on top of Tubs's head refused to surrender to the clippers and hence required my 'professional' post clip snip.  These stray hairs have become affectionately known as the 'Homers' (in reference to Homer Simpson of course), and they appear in increasing numbers each time.

My sister is getting married next weekend so I set up my barber shop in the yard.  I asked Tubs to extract himself temporarily from the veggie patch and guided him to the spider webbed chair which he has come to hate.  I had my mind on a million things as I arranged the clippers and tucked in the towel (what are we having for tea? Is Josie about to fall in the fish pond? What on Earth are the kids fighting about now? etc).  I tilted Tubs's head forward and hastily made the first clip, a four inch strip up the back of his head.  Upon seeing far more skin than anticipated I immediately looked at the clippers - no attachment, not even a number one!!! I gasped as I looked at the inch wide line of stubble and white skin before me.   My gasp drew the attention of Charlotte who immediately came to inspect, she too gasped in horror then cracked up laughing.  At this point Tubs looked up, 'What.....what.....?'

Abby, who is far more sympathetic said, 'O- oh - what are you going to do now????'  Charlotte announced that daddy 'would have to go bald'.  I just stood in stunned silence, picturing what Tubs would look like with a neo-Nazi hair cut, and how that would go down at the wedding next weekend!!! Was there time for him to get enough sun on his head to match the bald spot on top to the newly revealed skin that surrounds it? Is this a look that he can pull off? Lots of men have it, but is he ready for it? What have I done???????

Tubs put his hand to his head and felt the strip of missing hair and in typical Tubs style, said 'Don't worry about it, come on, get on with it.'  Get on with what I thought, concerned that he had not grasped the enormity of the situation.  I fitted the number one attachment to the clippers and continued with the cut, hoping that the strip would blend in to the rest if I concentrated hard enough.

The strip didn't blend in at all, and my many threats of giving (a usually non-compliant) Tubs a 'Bad Boy Bubby' hairstyle, have unfortunately come to fruition.  The cut will horrify my father-in-law, raise numerous comments and questions from friends and colleagues, and draw second looks from strangers.  However, knowing Tubs as I do, I know that the person least affected by all of this will be him and that the hair will regrow in a matter of weeks.  For that, I am exceptionally grateful!